So, I got to thinking, if I was who I am today, but 5 years younger, how would I have been looked at in high school. Then I took it a bit further. What about the days of elementary school? What kind of douche bag would I have been. Well, now let's look at some past situations in my life:
The Year: 2000. Month: Unknown. Day: Unknown- I was sitting in my 5th grade class listening to my teacher ramble about...God knows what. I'm sitting next to a girl, who will grow up to be a complete utter douche. I, as an individual, am far from being a class clown. But I thought, "today, that will all change." The teacher is going odd about something and asks a question to the class. No one responds. She get's a little upset and makes a statement to the class about us not paying attention and how we should. I mutter something under my breath and the girl chuckles. The teacher is still upset with the class and says, "If you guys keep acting like this, I'm just going to walk out and leave..." I mutter under my breath, "Okay, do it..." The Teacher stopped, "Who said that...?" Uhhh... Shit, I fucked up... Abort, abort, abort. I don't wanna be the funny man today!! I basically shit my pants. I finally confessed and she had me write an apology letter. I got the, "I'm very disappointed in your behavior" speech and then she placed the letter in a secret place and kept it as blackmail. Today, if something like that went down, I probably wouldn't say anything because watching the teacher have a nervous breakdown is much more entertaining.
The Year: 2001. Month April. Day 2- It was a dreary day. Cloudy and a bit windy, if I recall correctly. Let's put it this way, in 6th grade I felt like I was the shit. I had a delightful girl friend at the time and I had all the friends in the world... I really didn't, but I felt like it. So, the day after April Fool's Day, we little children went out to frolic during recess. But others had an agenda. One of my girlfriends friend came up to me and said that she needed to speak to me. So, like us men did every time was to play football, I told the guys, "The Mrs. needs to talk to me... Catch ya guys later..." It actually didn't even go like that at all. Had I actually said that to guys, they probably would have been like, "We don't even like you. You suck and are a waste of air..." Sadly... So we talked for about a half minute, which resulted in a break up... My first break up... I shrugged it off, like a man of course, and went back to game with boys... I get there, and my best friend at the time (who was the official referee) looked at me and was like are you okay. And I stared at him and I said, "she just wants to be friends..." and he asks if I'm gonna be okay. I tell him yes, as my eyes begin to the water thus resulting in me balling my eyes out. Basically, I made a big scene about it and we had the classroom divided. Me and the guys vs the girls. It's quite funny looking back on it now... What I shoulda done when I got the, "I just want to be friends," speech, was be like all macho and say, "Well, hey that's cool, but uh, I'm gonna go be buff and play some football with the guys. Maybe run a rout or two. You can come watch me and regret breaking up with me or you can go play with your nails and talk about silly pillow fights at your sleep over. It's your choice..." And that would have at least got me nominated for 6th Grade BAMF of the Year Award.The Year: Late winter, 2002- It was a panic stricken morning. I needed a stapler for a paper that was due. This staple, which the stapler would produce, was something I could use to keep all my papers together. It was essential to my given needs. I went up to the teachers desk to look for a staple producing stapler. I looked and looked when suddenly a door opened up from the classroom next door. It was my teacher and she scarred me shitless. She asked what I was doing and the feared stricken child I was, basically, bolted away from her. A few days later, the assistant principal came in and called me out of class to speak with him for a few minutes. Apparently, my teacher had written me up say I was "snooping around her desk and was violating personal space." Holy shit, bitch. I'm like 11 years old. You think I know proper etiquette like that? So anyways, me and the assistant principal had a little chit chat about how if I had people over my house I wouldn't like them going through my things and a hundred different analogies about that... What I shoulda done, was put my arm around him and said, "Let's go for a walk, shall we? Frankly, this is completely a misunderstanding. I needed a staple for my paper and everything has been blown out of proportion. Now, I'm content with telling all my friends that I was a total pussbag and you did your thing. You can tell the teacher, you scared me shitless and I'll never do it again. But sir, I want a personal day out of this. That's all I'm asking for. Just one personal day." And then we'd shake hands and my future would have been slightly altered.
The Year: 2003 to 2007- Oh high school. Yeah... I'm not entirely sure how to gauge how I am today and put that to what I could have been like back in the teen years... In fact, judging by how many Facebook friend I lose on a weekly basis, I can only assume I'd probably be hated more if I was in high school today. Apparently, I talk too much and I'm sure people were content with my "quiet and away from society" personality I had. I was shy, but I wasn't a complete loser in high school. I had a good handful of friends. I had people I'd talk to to pass time (you know, that type that you talk to to make it look like you were social). I got along with just about everybody, just no one really "knew" me. I was the kid that always had a fresh pack of gum each and every day. Today, I find myself being looked up too by a freshman in one of my classes in college. I'm a 22 year old junior and he's 18. I'm not sure he's heard of the 80's... I'm not even sure if he remembers most of the 90's. This kid is all excited to go to an 18+ party thing and I tell him how I got bored of going to bars this summer. Anyways, I'm getting off topic. If I was in high school today, I'd probably have about 5 or 6 different girls pregnant and not have them know it was me who did the dirty deed and probably have made sex videos with a few other teachers too (I miss you Ms. Crupi). I coulda been somebody.
