A Bitter Jibe: Part Deux

                What’s up thuggians? Me? Glad you asked. Shut the fuck up. I know you didn’t really ask. Just fucking roll with it, bro. Anyways, I just wanted to let you know, that the last few days, for some moronic reason, I’ve been getting in touch with my inner sensitivity. Well, it was too fucking weird for me and I’m back. Just like the second go around of the Bubonic Plague or when your herpes flare up again or you decide to date your ex-boyfriend again, because “things will be the same different now…”

                Well, anyways, I have come to an impasse in my life. I’m getting ready to graduate and heading off into the wild blue yonder, or how ever the fuck it goes. Personally, I don’t give a flying. But I feel like the whole part of growing up, compromises have to be made. Not only compromises, but I think becoming compatible with other human beings is probably going to be a necessity. Personally, I don’t give a flying fuck about the shit either; however, who really has a say when the bird decides to in fact shit on you?

                Human interaction is A.) A lost art, B.) A fucking joke, and C.) A giant fucking mystery to me. Some days I get it, and then the next day; it’s a pretty much a foreign fucking concept. It’s not that I’m trying to say that I can’t stand to coexist with people. I can, it’s just the days when I start thinking dark thoughts, I find myself concerned for whomever is going to be the one to come into contact with me.

...and no, I don't wonder why I get rejected often. I'm fully aware of my attributes. 

                So, I’ve been playing around with this thing call OKCupid. I do it, because, I think I’m going to find the love of my life. Well sure as shit, I hate everyone on there. I haven’t come across a person I could see myself with; even the ones that I do message and get rejected from. I just can’t find myself to liking them. First off, the majority of these girls are ugly. I’m talking, bottom of the barrel, looking. Unless, I suck and just didn’t click on the ugly filter option on there. I dunno, to be honest. Then, the ones that do make it past the eye test are like beyond fucking retarded. I’m sure these people are sweethearts; I would totally hate to knock on them, especially if they potentially have a heart of gold. However, I can’t find myself to take anyone serious if they start their bio with, “I’m weird. If you can’t handle weird you should probably leave this page.” That’s basically the best advice I’ve heard. You’re probably right.

                I hate the ones that just go on about their lives. How they have all those cats or dogs and they do cute things. Then they talk about all the activities they do with their lives and how incredibly boring they are. Honey, no one is really taking that much of a vested interest in your life. You’re practically an afterthought. You’re literally going to be forgotten in about ten seconds, because your pictures are from sexy. Unless you want to get my attention, throw a little side boob action. Otherwise, you wrapped up in your blanket, just isn’t that impressive.

Another one of my favorites is when they tell you how incredibly sarcastic they are and how if you can’t put up with the extremist of sarcastic personalities, then… well you get the gist. Really, tell me about sarcasm. I’m really interested…It blows my mind how people use their sarcasm as a bright spot in their personality. I never knew it was a great quality to have. I’ve run into so many people who cannot stand being around me for my strong sarcastic personality. I don’t blame them. I break out into full beast mode. But I don’t go around bragging how I’m sarcastic. It just happens and people eventually find out the magnitude. To be honest, sarcastic people is a blatant turnoff. I want nothing to do with someone who gets into a pissing match over who can outwit the other in a sarcasm duel. They’re retarded. Brick, hammer, genitals. BAM! I guess I’m alone on that one…

                So basically in my spare time, I just judge the shit out of random people’s profiles and a part of me feels happy about myself. So, it does have its upsides. I know people who have had success with it. Me? Well, I’m clearly doing it wrong and I am I making any real concerted effort to fix that. Till then, I’m going to continue my search for true love the conventional way, by buying one online from Russia, or wherever the shipping is cheapest…

This Bond is not Enough

I'm sick of tired of bitching about things, people, quirks, etc... There is only so much I can say about how I hate something, or despise something. So, I’m totally going to geek out on this one. We are going to talk about one of, by far, my favorite subject matter: movies. But not just any type of movie, but specifically James Bond.

A buddy of mine was having a little mini Bond Marathon which involved strictly Pierce Brosnan in the title role. For us, we have really only known Pierce Brosnan as James Bond 007. His films (Goldeneye, Tomorrow Never Dies, The World is not Enough, and Die Another Day) are groundbreaking in our minds eyes. How in the world can these be matched by someone else’s interpretation of the character. I was born in 1989. I just made the Reagan Era. When I was born, Timothy Dalton was still that guy. But, I mean, when you’re like four months old, Timothy Dalton is far from a priority in life.

After the retirement of Pierce Brosnan, a lot of us 90’s kids were lost and fell into a deep depression. I have tons of memories of his Bond movies. I mean, all you have to say is Goldeneye 64 and you have just become best friends with the stranger next to you in class. But today, we are blessed with Daniel Craig. That debate between Pierce and Daniel, and who is better at Bond, well, no one will ever really know. But, I got to thinking, thanks to this friend, sure we can talk about who has the better Bond films, But what about the films in between. So I propose this, during their reign of Bond (Pierce Brosnan 1995-2002 and Daniel Craig 2006-current), who has the best “side project” films.

So I compiled this list, and I think it’s evident, that Daniel Craig had more side projects that were blockbusters. He also had the time during MGM bankruptcy issues between 2008 and 2011.

Dafuq?

The Thomas Crown Affair (Awesome), Mars Attacks! (Amazing), Dante’s Peak (C’mon, how can you hate that movie?), The Tailor of Panama (Classic), and Evelyn (Makes me cry every time) are all decent movies. I mean, these movies are as if James Bond himself went on vacation and this is what he did while he was away from the office that one weekend. So I think, personally, Pierce wins this round. Daniel Craig basically has, The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, Defiance, and Cowboys & Aliens. Everything is basically mediocre at best. Daniel Craig didn’t really get famous until someone saw him in a nearly speedo in Casino Royale.

This type of thing is expected when you are living in the shadows of Pierce Brosnan. I guarantee you right now, Pierce Brosnan’s “post-Bond films”  are going to rank higher that Craig’s, when the time comes. Have any of you seen, The Matador? You should look into it. I think it’s fair to say that Pierce Brosnan is awesome and better than Daniel Craig. Just saying.

Anyways, that’s all I got. Next week, we’ll delve into the life and career of the one and only, Nicolas Cage. Good night folks and stay safe.