Yeah, Hi, Can I Return My Personality For a New One? I Think I'm Defective.

So, for some divine reason, I thought about some things... The human body is utterly flawed. And I'm not talking about the "I am human and I make mistake" flawed. I'm talking, biologically "can I return this defective product" flawed. Because I have a habit of wanting to break everything down, let's break this down. And I'm only going to break this down with what ever knowledge I have stored in my head, because I am honestly not in the mood (slash) position to do physical research. I'm in too much pain for this shit...

Wisdom Teeth: I have yet to reach this point, however, I'm going to have to have this done. I was suppose to have it done this summer, but, uh, being a pussy and summertime apparently don't work well because, there are people out there who are braver than me and just go and have that shit pulled out. Now, I would like to know why they have to be pulled out... want to know what the point of having teeth that don't actually serve a fucking purpose. I mean, what's the point of having teeth in your head when they're only going to get pulled out. It's like having a penis and never using it to pee. So, I'm thinking about going to store and ask for a non-defective jaw, with teeth that won't need to be pulled out.

The Vermiform Appendix: It doesn't even serve a function anymore. Or maybe it does, but people still don't have a fucking clue. It's all theories. Which to me means, not proven. So, it has no known purpose. I know, I know, it once served a purpose, however, it's 2011 and it's still trying to adjust to its...whatever...new surroundings? Listen, you think 200,000 years of human life, somewhere in that time, evolution would have altered the human body in a few places. I mean how long it take man to stand up? Now how long is it gonna take for fucking wisdom teeth realize they're getting ripped out or the appendix has finally outlived its usefulness? If it has no use, get rid of it. There's no reason to have it sit around and wither away until evolution rids it finally after 100,000 years of inactivity. I'm just saying...

Hemorrhoids: I don't even like spelling it. Anyways this evil little fuck, let me tell you, is evil. Not really a useless/functionless part of ones body, but more of a defective design. I mean, right now, I just want to go to the store and tell them my asshole is defective and see if I can exchange it for a better one. I mean, without getting into too much detail, is it necessary for a vein to get that swollen? Again, 200,000 years of existing and this problem couldn't be fixed yet. I'm not asking for fucking gills so I can swim underwater longer. In fact, I'm not much for the water. I'm not asking for fucking wings so I can fly to Florida. I'm not one for flying either. Completely unnatural. The point is, I want to take a shit and like most people, I want it to be quick and painless. I got things to do and I don't want to be spending all my time on the toilet. You feel me? No? Of course not. Fuck you asshole