Now, guys are asshole, I mean, I'm a guy and I am an asshole. There is no denying that. But I'm not like that cocky, dumb piece of shit. I'd like to credit myself for not falling into that category. In fact, I have these moments were I fall into that, "hopeless romantic" category. Which I think is bullshit that I fall into there sometimes. Girls are bitches. Don't be offended, it's okay. I feel like this builds character.
So, as I wrote in my previous blog, there were these gorgeous gifts of God at this bar. Now, I'm placed into this position, where the cuter of the 2 girls was standing right front of me. I basically have 3 places to look. 1.) To my right is a TV screen of the Red Sox game. 2.) To my left is the cute girls blonde friend and behind her is the same game on that TV. 3.) In front of me is the girl. A whole 10 inches in front of me. Instinct: look straight ahead and let the smell of her sweet smelling perfume fill up each breath. Now, I'm staring and I'm trying not to be too awkward... Start a conversation... Well that's simple... Oh, wait. Fuck! My biggest fucking fear. I get so fucking paranoid at this stage. What the fuck do you say? "Hey, you guys from around here? Oh, by the way, I'm Matt, I've just been staring at your rack and tight ass for the last 5 minutes." It's so hit or miss. Now, I'm not like awkward. I can talk to girls. No big deal. But in high pressure situations like this. I get flustered. My problem: I can't continue a conversation. I feel like if I get bored with my own questions, they're already moving on to the next douche bag."So what's you're favorite color? Flower? I love daisy's too!! O-M-G!"
But see, this is my problem. Why the hell does all the pressure have to fall on the guy? Why do guys have to go chick hunting? Why can't the chicks go dick hunting? I mean why do I have to be at the bar and be 1 of 90 guys checking out the hot girl that walks in and take a number and see if I can score? Why the fuck is this like a fucking sport? And why the fuck does the female preying mantis bite off her fucking mates head? That's bullshit! I think it's time for a fucking revolution. Men, lets fucking revolt and let the women find us. Yeah, I think it would fail too... Ugh. Worth a shot.
I love the girls that go to bars and flaunt their shit, right, and they sit at the bar alone, wearing a tight, short skirt and random guys just come over and start talking to them and they sit there ignoring them like, whatever. Hey, bitch, if your snatch wasn't like out there in the open for the world to see, you wouldn't have this issue. But then again,
Relationships are pretty bullshit too. I mean, after listening to some of the relationships my friends have been in, I just wonder what goes through their head. How dumb can girls really be? I know some have attachment issues, but I couldn't be in a relationships just because. Yeah, I find it romantic too when my significant other ties my hand around my back and throws me into a fucking closet. I know people get off on that shit, but last I check, that one is called abuse. "He likes to jump on my chest and see if can still breathe when he jumps on me..." No, honey, I think he just wants to see what happens when he crushes your ribcage. This fucktard has some serious psychological issues.
What idea gets implanted into a girls head thinking that their criminal boyfriend is their true love? I mean, I know not all relationships are perfect. I know people fight. Shit happens. But when does it click that maybe your abusive boyfriend just isn't cutting it. Or what part of waiting for your true love to get sprung from jail after all, he's in there for say maybe attempted murder, or assault and battery, or hell why not, let's throw in an armed robbery. All of the above is certainly acceptable too, ya know. Why would you waste your time on someone like that? Sure, fire back by saying "...he's changed. He's learned a lot about himself..." That maybe true, but that's only because he doesn't want to be Big Bubba's boyfriend. You know the drill. Don't be fucking idiot. Besides, there is a perfectly good young man waiting to be your "Knight in Shiny Armor."
Fucking romantic people piss me off. "Oh honey, lets have a candle light dinner and just gaze into each others eyes and look deep inside our hearts and souls." Ugh. What the fuck does that shit even mean? I don't want to look inside your soul. Maybe down your shirt, but I mean let's be realist. I can't see a fucking soul. I see a person who has seen too many Lifetime movies. Listen, I get its symbolic in all that shit. But I'm pretty symbolic with my donuts and banana. "Would you give up everything, like leaving your family and friends, for love?" No, why the fuck would I do that, better yet, why does one have to turn their back on their life for love? That's the real fucking question. You shouldn't have to and if you are, I think that falls into the brainwash category. Seek professional help. Your significant other might be looking at wanting to take your inheritance from you. Don't be surprised if he tries to kill you. I've seen a Perfect Murder. Shits fucked up.
I hate the type of people who have to let the world know that they're dating. Like when your hanging out with them, they're like practically having sex in front of you. Like it's cool to share a kiss or two, but wow, I don't need to be a part of your make out session. It's okay to excuse yourself for that. I have friends where when I'm the third wheel, I feel like I am the chauffeur (this is why I don't return your calls). Then, when I am the third wheel with another set of friend, I feel like I'm dating them too! Brother husband? I'm cool with it. I don't mind sharing the same wife. I'll take Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday... You can have her for the rest of the week. Sunday she can have off... Uh, well anyways
No comments:
Post a Comment