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| Fist pump to that, bitches! |
Right there at the MLB Trade Deadline (July 31st), I myself was traded... but to a different store. It's actually called, "being transferred," but it sounds more sophisticated when I say "traded." So, last week was my first day at the new store and I just kinda walked in and said to everyone, "I'm kind of a big deal." They all nodded and accepted it and laid down a red carpet for me to walk on, while everyone watched and admired me to clock in. The district manager was even there and she curtsied and welcomed me to the new store. It was a pretty spectacular event. And because I was such a welcomed addiction to the team, They signed me to a 5 year/ $70 million contract extension that starts after 2013 season. I even got a full no-trade clause in there. Fucking balling! I see great things in my future. I am blessed to be in such a great position in life. I think I have finally made something of myself. I hope I can make my family proud. They have meant the world to me over the last few years and I'm glad they can be here with me and witness something truly magical. I am living the American Dream...
Actually, about 10 minutes of being in the store, I just flat out flipped my shit. I walked into the back room, did a shoe check, couldn't find a damn thing, went to fix some shoes on the floor, nothing made sense. So I went to the back and flipped my shit in front of the DM. I got the green light to basically tear down footwear and rebuild it. And thus I did so in 4 days. I threw a fucking grenade (and no there is no second meaning behind the word grenade) in the back room and just rebuilt it with my magical fucking wand and a few cool magical spells I learned from Harry Potter and I made that shit happen, Captain. I am literally a fucking God. Like I said, I'm kind of a big deal (I fucking hate that movie, by the way...).
Anyways, My new co-workers are pretty cool. One is a mute, another is a retard, and the other just kinda walks around. Then all my bosses are pregnant, which is fine. I have no problem with that. They're all social. The mute one is kinda cute, but apparently she just started getting potty trained, so I think I'll step back. The other girl, I'm pretty sure I saw her father on America's Most Wanted, so I am going to ignore that one. And then there's this kid who knows everything about nothing and I want to punch him in the face. He was apparently the footwear guy. So I just blamed everything on him. In fact, I blame this on him. I had a conversation with someone the other day about schools and all of a sudden, out of fucking nowhere, he starts talking about his school. Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't fucking realize I was talking to you. Oh wait, I didn't fucking realize you were in this fucking room, because I still haven't accepted the fact that you're a human-fucking-being. FUCK! Holy fucking shit! If he is still living by the end of the week, let's be honest, I'll be shocked. I might just stab him in the neck by the end f the week.
In closing, I will be giving everyone new personalities next week. Cheers!
Anyways, My new co-workers are pretty cool. One is a mute, another is a retard, and the other just kinda walks around. Then all my bosses are pregnant, which is fine. I have no problem with that. They're all social. The mute one is kinda cute, but apparently she just started getting potty trained, so I think I'll step back. The other girl, I'm pretty sure I saw her father on America's Most Wanted, so I am going to ignore that one. And then there's this kid who knows everything about nothing and I want to punch him in the face. He was apparently the footwear guy. So I just blamed everything on him. In fact, I blame this on him. I had a conversation with someone the other day about schools and all of a sudden, out of fucking nowhere, he starts talking about his school. Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't fucking realize I was talking to you. Oh wait, I didn't fucking realize you were in this fucking room, because I still haven't accepted the fact that you're a human-fucking-being. FUCK! Holy fucking shit! If he is still living by the end of the week, let's be honest, I'll be shocked. I might just stab him in the neck by the end f the week.
In closing, I will be giving everyone new personalities next week. Cheers!
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